Roomate doesn't stop invading and taking over my place.
The moment she reaches here after a short break from home, all I hear is her banging the doors even when it is 2-3am. Door of cupboard, door of the room.
Tension! Hate it so much!
Sunday 4 January 2015
Saturday 3 January 2015
Heartache # Breaking Down
Its my final year in USMKK now.
Currently feeling I am at the bottleneck, not sure whether I can finish my requirement in time, graduate in time.
Fed up with colleagues who are selfish, unreliable, unethical, evil and cunning. Being bullied to the fullest most of the time, yet unable to react in any way. Just swallow everything down the throat and bear with the stress all alone.
Hate lecturers who threaten us with requirement cancellation despite the minimal mistake that we did. Is it so fun to mess around with our feelings?
Too occupied with patient management, treatment until own proper meals are sacrificied. But no good returns it seems.
Have failed in looking into what I really want in life, what is the passion of my life.
Have been experiencing insomnia for the last one week, draining all my energy in the daytime.
Have been isolating myself from others lately.
Have been getting palpitations and abnormal heart beats.
Have been feeling so anxious with patients & clinics, but so numb about anything else.
No happiness, excitement in life.
At the verge of breaking down.
Trying to reach out to secondary school friends, but no replies from them. Either they are busy with their life, or they are trying to avoid me for no apparent reasons.
Current status : self-diagnose major depression syndrome (but didn't fully fulfill DSM-IV criteria)
Currently feeling I am at the bottleneck, not sure whether I can finish my requirement in time, graduate in time.
Fed up with colleagues who are selfish, unreliable, unethical, evil and cunning. Being bullied to the fullest most of the time, yet unable to react in any way. Just swallow everything down the throat and bear with the stress all alone.
Hate lecturers who threaten us with requirement cancellation despite the minimal mistake that we did. Is it so fun to mess around with our feelings?
Too occupied with patient management, treatment until own proper meals are sacrificied. But no good returns it seems.
Have failed in looking into what I really want in life, what is the passion of my life.
Have been experiencing insomnia for the last one week, draining all my energy in the daytime.
Have been isolating myself from others lately.
Have been getting palpitations and abnormal heart beats.
Have been feeling so anxious with patients & clinics, but so numb about anything else.
No happiness, excitement in life.
At the verge of breaking down.
Trying to reach out to secondary school friends, but no replies from them. Either they are busy with their life, or they are trying to avoid me for no apparent reasons.
Current status : self-diagnose major depression syndrome (but didn't fully fulfill DSM-IV criteria)
Saturday 24 May 2014
Tuesday 1 January 2013
Lesson 010113
In life, you can't expect people to appreciate what you've done. They may never know what you've done or how much effort you have put in, simply just because you never report your deeds like others did. So don't be calculative, be happy that you could help them. :)
"Therefore, when you give alms, do not choose to sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the towns, so that they may be honored by men. Amen I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your almsgiving may be in secret, and your Father, who sees in secret, will repay you." (Matthew 6:2-4)
"Therefore, when you give alms, do not choose to sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the towns, so that they may be honored by men. Amen I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your almsgiving may be in secret, and your Father, who sees in secret, will repay you." (Matthew 6:2-4)
Sunday 12 February 2012
Another exam coming~
My 2nd year Continuous Assessment I is coming up in 7 days. But here I am typing this post because my mind just can’t concentrate on my revision these few days. Is it because of hormonal fluctuation problem or it’s just me lacking some self-discipline here?
It’s still quite hard for me to accept the fact that I, as a dental student, need to study all the medical diseases and being assessed for History Taking, Physical Examination, reading radiographs, reading ECG skills. Stress accumulates as I try to remember the medical facts. Memorizing all the diseases pathology, pathogenesis, clinical features, treatment, management and drugs name are killing me! They might go in now and quietly sneak out of my head after awhile. That’s so frustrating! My brain cells are degenerating. Are they? Or they just boycotting medical stuff, refuse to take in these irrelevant info?
It’s still quite hard for me to accept the fact that I, as a dental student, need to study all the medical diseases and being assessed for History Taking, Physical Examination, reading radiographs, reading ECG skills. Stress accumulates as I try to remember the medical facts. Memorizing all the diseases pathology, pathogenesis, clinical features, treatment, management and drugs name are killing me! They might go in now and quietly sneak out of my head after awhile. That’s so frustrating! My brain cells are degenerating. Are they? Or they just boycotting medical stuff, refuse to take in these irrelevant info?
Thursday 10 November 2011
Even Monkey is More Civilized Nowadays
Look at this picture. What do you think is the incident behind this scene?
It happened when an explosion hit a factory in Nanjing, China on 28th July 2010.
It was seen that this monkey ran out from the explosion site, while carrying a puppy in its arms. It is so warm-hearted to see animals having the caring and loving personality.
Why it seems that some human are not having those traits? Judging from day to day incidents happening around the globe, mankind has evolved from barbarians to civilized population and then to careless-materialistic-realistic-selfish population. Look at the incident in China where a 2 year-old kid was knocked out and run over by several cars, while the passers-by just act like nothing serious has happened. Now I respect animals more than mankind.
People, WAKE UP!!! If not, the plot in the movie 'The Rise of The Planet Apes' is going to take place in this earth soon... LOL~~~
Monday 7 November 2011
Reality
You thought you treat people nicely and you would get the same in return. But in reality, this is not always true.
People on earth seems to establish relationship based on advantages, unfortunately. It might be once in a life time chance to find someone who is not genetically related to you to actually care about you at all times.
It's so hard to even find a friend and talk your problems out. They either don't care or they are just too busy with their lives. They don't say it but you know what's the monologue in their heart : "Hey, it's holiday and I have my wonderful plannings going on. Please don't disturb me." or "Can you leave me alone? I have books to study and assignments to do!" or "All you've said are just small matters. Why make it seems like a big deal?"
I am quite sensitive to feel people's emotion, so I can straight away point their feelings out through their words, facial expression or body language.
When I care for people, I do it sincerely. And if you treat me nicely, I will treat you 10 times nicer. That's me. Sometimes, I doubt whether I should care for others so much. Not to say I want all of them to treat me nicely in return, but at least there's a listener there when I need one. Its very suffocating when I have to bear all the hard feelings inside and stresses and not be able to let it out. I hope I can still keep the blood pressure down. But for sure, there will be a volcanic eruption soon or I'll just retreat from these realistic world socially. Enough said.
People on earth seems to establish relationship based on advantages, unfortunately. It might be once in a life time chance to find someone who is not genetically related to you to actually care about you at all times.
It's so hard to even find a friend and talk your problems out. They either don't care or they are just too busy with their lives. They don't say it but you know what's the monologue in their heart : "Hey, it's holiday and I have my wonderful plannings going on. Please don't disturb me." or "Can you leave me alone? I have books to study and assignments to do!" or "All you've said are just small matters. Why make it seems like a big deal?"
I am quite sensitive to feel people's emotion, so I can straight away point their feelings out through their words, facial expression or body language.
When I care for people, I do it sincerely. And if you treat me nicely, I will treat you 10 times nicer. That's me. Sometimes, I doubt whether I should care for others so much. Not to say I want all of them to treat me nicely in return, but at least there's a listener there when I need one. Its very suffocating when I have to bear all the hard feelings inside and stresses and not be able to let it out. I hope I can still keep the blood pressure down. But for sure, there will be a volcanic eruption soon or I'll just retreat from these realistic world socially. Enough said.
Friday 9 September 2011
It's Time to Go Back
3 months passed just like that. Before my long holiday starts, I have planned a bunch of stuff in my mind to accomplished.
I ate countless bowl of Laksa Sarawak, Kolo Mee & Claypot Mee;
brushed up my beading skill;
planted vege;
baked bread & cakes;
worked as a free housemaid for my family;
painted & decorated my house etc etc.
BUT....................................
Yes, there's always a BUT~~~ I failed to accomplish one of the most important tasks------ study/revise. Ohh, just couldn't bare all the distractions back in hometown when it's HOLIDAY! How to have study mood during my precious lovely holiday? Ok, they are excuses. I am just lazy to read up. :P Just hope that my memory isn't that bad yet to forget ALL my 1st year stuff... Then my Viva sure 'kena tarik balik'...hahaha... *mouth crossed
So I am going back to that entertainmentless state tomorrow. Reluctant is the only word to describe my feeling now. How nice if Unimas offers Dentistry, then I could stay here with my family. Well, life doesn't go exactly as we want them to be. So, I'll just have to face the reality. Hopefully no tears shed at the airport. Mummy, Daddy, I Love You!!!
I ate countless bowl of Laksa Sarawak, Kolo Mee & Claypot Mee;
brushed up my beading skill;
planted vege;
baked bread & cakes;
worked as a free housemaid for my family;
painted & decorated my house etc etc.
BUT....................................
Yes, there's always a BUT~~~ I failed to accomplish one of the most important tasks------ study/revise. Ohh, just couldn't bare all the distractions back in hometown when it's HOLIDAY! How to have study mood during my precious lovely holiday? Ok, they are excuses. I am just lazy to read up. :P Just hope that my memory isn't that bad yet to forget ALL my 1st year stuff... Then my Viva sure 'kena tarik balik'...hahaha... *mouth crossed
So I am going back to that entertainmentless state tomorrow. Reluctant is the only word to describe my feeling now. How nice if Unimas offers Dentistry, then I could stay here with my family. Well, life doesn't go exactly as we want them to be. So, I'll just have to face the reality. Hopefully no tears shed at the airport. Mummy, Daddy, I Love You!!!
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